Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
