Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
