Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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