Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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