I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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