Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
