The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
