god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
