In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
