put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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