Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
