I need help removing her.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
