i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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