i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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