She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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