when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize