omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
