she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
