He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
