We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
