I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
