BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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