Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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