how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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