So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
