Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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