I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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