Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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