ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
