Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
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Can I color on your dick again?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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