Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
