tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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