If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
