Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No more Irish car bombs ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
