Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
