its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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