im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
