Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
