she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
