Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Boobs speak an international language.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
NoShamevember. You game?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
