remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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