I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
