2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
