Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
