honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
