She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
