He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
