I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
