he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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