it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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