I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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