I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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