cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
