I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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