He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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