You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Are we still banned from the library?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
