fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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