I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
