Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
