Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
