another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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