Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
