This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
