i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Never underestimate the power of titties
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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