i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My balls are so social today.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
