No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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