2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the day after is always just damage control
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
