He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
