Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
