I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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