In the future we'll all be gay
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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