Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Someone shattered a urinal.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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