The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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