Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
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Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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