worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
