It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
