Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
