I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
