Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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