We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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