I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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