Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
