That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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