I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
